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Natural Awakenings Twin Cities

Seeing Extra in the Ordinary with Ragan Balzer

Meet Wellness Life Coach, Ragan Balzer of Finding Extra in the Ordinary. Ragan says it's crucial to remember this simple truth: gratitude changes the brain. Join us as we discuss the power of gratitude, the importance of being mindful of what you allow into your thinking, and how taking simple steps every day can reap big benefits. To learn more about Ragan, and to schedule, a free discovery call, visit SeeingExtraInTheOrdinary.com.

Shownotes:

[00:00:08.110] - Candi Broeffle
Good morning, and welcome to Green Tea Conversations, the radio show that delves into the pages of Natural Awakenings magazine to bring you the local experts who share their progressive ideas and the latest information and insights in your needed so you can lead your best life.

[00:00:22.400] - Candi Broeffle
I'm your host, Candi Broeffle, publisher of the Twin Cities edition of Natural Awakenings magazine, and I am honored to bring these experts to you today on the show. We welcome wellness life coach Ragan Balzer of seeing extra in the ordinary. Welcome to the show, Ragan.

[00:00:39.200] - Ragan Balzer
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's great to be here. I am super excited to be here and to talk with you today. Every time I start a coaching session, I always start with a moment of gratitude. So I just want to express my gratitude and appreciation to you for welcoming me and having me on your show today.

[00:01:02.940] - Candi Broeffle
And I, too, would like to express my gratitude to you because Reagan is just a really remarkable person who I've known for many years now. And so we're going to do full disclosure, Ragan and I worked together when I worked in higher education. And we have just reconnected here recently after having not worked together now for several years. I think it's like six years. And it's always so great to reconnect with people who were in our lives before and get to come back in in a different way. So I'm extremely grateful for that as well.

[00:01:43.020] - Ragan Balzer
Yes. It's so fun to see how things kind of come full circle. You and I worked together, and we were on completely different journeys than both of us are on right now. And you actually I shared with you a couple the last time we connected that you actually planted a seed in my heart that has kind of led me to this entire journey and where I'm at now. So he planted a seed in my heart a while ago, and now here I am. So thank you.

[00:02:17.950] - Candi Broeffle
That is so sweet. Thank you.

[00:02:19.810] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah.

[00:02:20.660] - Candi Broeffle
That always means a ton to me.

[00:02:22.800] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah.

[00:02:23.180] - Candi Broeffle
So let's talk about what you are doing today. So you are a wellness life coach. What put you on that journey? What kind of brought you to doing it today?

[00:02:35.180] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah. So like I just mentioned, you had kind of planted the seed in my heart several years ago. And at the time, I was really kind of struggling with just where I was at in life, and I was struggling with going to work, coming home, going to work, coming home, and just really not feeling like I was living up to my fullest potential but didn't really know how or where to go to make changes. And you have shared with me your experience with life coaching. And I looked into it at the time, and it was just something that wasn't feasible for me and my family at that time. And then the idea and the concept came up a couple of different times throughout the years after we had that conversation. And then through a really spiritual and divine set of experiences that I had late last summer, it was really placed on my heart again to look at life coaching. And so I dug in and I found a program that really met my needs and my circumstance. And I started the program. And I can tell you, Candi, with 100% conviction, I am exactly where I'm supposed to be at this exact moment in time, doing what I know that I've been called to do.

[00:04:09.810] - Ragan Balzer
And there is just a real sense of peace and happiness and contentment to know that you're doing what you've been called to do. And I've struggled a lot in my life with just feeling like I'm making a difference or that I'm living up to my fullest potential. I think women are really deep emotional beings. And because of that, we often struggle with feelings of inadequacy comparison, not doing things the way that we think we should be doing, but yet not having the energy and the focus and the time to do everything that we feel place on our shoulders. And I finally feel like I have that kind of figured out. Now, don't get me wrong.

[00:05:07.470] - Ragan Balzer
I'm a hot mess sometimes still.

[00:05:10.550] - Ragan Balzer
But I think that for the most part, I finally found that sweet spot. And I really want to help other women find that as well, because I spent so much of my life feeling discontented, unease, not peaceful, just kind of struggling with the mundaneness and the pressures of life. And I just want to help other people, maybe not struggle as much as I went through. So it's kind of where I'm at and how I got here.

[00:05:46.250] - Candi Broeffle
It's really great. I love what you're saying and the story that you're telling, and it kind of leads me into a couple of other things. So one thing is you mentioned I'm still kind of a hot mess. And I always like to remind people when you're looking for a life coach, never find a life coach who tells you that they have it all figured out, and now they're going to tell bestow upon you all of their life experiences, because none of us have it all figured out. We're figuring it out as we go along. And what life coaching does is it really helps give you tools to help you be able to get through life and get through hard times and get through great times in a different way. And you just have more of a plan. And that's what a life coach can help you to do.

[00:06:35.300] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah. And I think to add on to that, it's more of having somebody else dig in to figure out how to get you there and give you the tools and the resources so that when you do come against challenges or struggles or unexpected things that crop up instead of going completely haywire and off the rails. You have the tools and the resources to navigate through those challenges and keep going and not be overcome or exhausted or set back in any way. You just kind of roll with them and move on past them. And I haven't always had that experience. There have been times in my life where I've experienced challenges that have completely derailed me and didn't have the mental stamina or the capacity to endure those challenges. And I think as I look back now, I wish I would have had the skills and the tools and the resources that I have available now to help me through those challenges, because I think a the challenge would have been less. I could have come through it a little bit easier, but also, I could have saved myself a lot of heartbreak and struggle in that process.

[00:08:01.550] - Candi Broeffle
And you did end dear. Yeah, right.

[00:08:06.240] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah, exactly.

[00:08:07.570] - Ragan Balzer
But I've got a lot of scars to prove it.

[00:08:12.150] - Candi Broeffle
As we all do.

[00:08:14.290] - Ragan Balzer
and the Gray hairs to match.

[00:08:19.570] - Candi Broeffle
Another thing that you mentioned was about coming home every day, going to work every day, coming home, going to work every day. And I think, especially as we're younger, when we're starting our families and our kids are in school, that just becomes such a part of life. Right. We're just so busy taking care of other people, and we're so busy just getting through the day today. But then we get to a certain age when our kids don't need us as much. And even if they haven't left the home, if they're still like teenagers and they're like, okay, you can chill. I don't need you to be with me every moment. I think that's when a lot of us and especially a lot of women, but it happens to men as well. But a lot of women who are like, wait a minute, so what am I supposed to be doing now?

[00:09:12.170] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah, and I think we get again, sorry, guys, but I typically focus on the females. I think we get so caught up with our identities being attached to who our kids are and what our work is and who we think we're supposed to be, that we lose our spirit sometimes in the process. And so when we do get to that point in our life where our kids aren't dependent upon us.

[00:09:46.200] - Ragan Balzer
They tolerate us and tolerate us being involved in their lives for a period of time.

[00:09:54.130] - Ragan Balzer
I think that we start to think about, well, who am I? And what am I doing? And I'm no longer such and such mother. I'm no longer a soccer mom. I'm no longer a cheer mom. And so now what am I? And I think that there's a period of time where we kind of transition between what we were when our kids were more dependent upon us and we were shuttling them from activity to activity to this more independent. And sometimes that's hard to do. And sometimes, especially when our identity is tied so closely to what that was at that time in our life or even to our jobs that we're committed to. And so just really getting in touch with who we are as individuals and what speaks to our hearts and speaks to our souls. And really feeling like you have the ability and the capacity to seek and find and explore whatever it is that you want to bring into your life. And I think a lot of times we don't feel like we have that ability or that capacity to bring that into our lives. And so it's important for us, too, because I think we're worth it, and we're worth living a life filled with joy and happiness and goodness.

[00:11:31.300] - Ragan Balzer
And our hearts deserve that.

[00:11:35.530] - Candi Broeffle
Well, we're going to go into a break now, but for people who want to learn more about what Reagan does, visit SeeingExtraInTheOrdinary.com. You're listening to Green Tea Conversations on AM950 The Progressive Voice of Minnesota. And we will be right back.

[00:12:05.690]
Welcome back to Green Tea Conversations, where we delve into the pages of Natural Awakenings magazine and talk to the professionals who share their expertise on natural health with you. I'm your host, Candi Broeffle.

[00:12:17.130] - Candi Broeffle
And today we're talking with wellness life coach Ragan Balzer of Seeing Extra In The Ordinary. So I love the name of your business, Ragan and I know you have had a blog for a couple of years, and you've used kind of that same wording in your blog as well. But tell us a little bit about how you came up with the name.

[00:12:40.180] - Ragan Balzer
So it's Seeing Extra In The Ordinary. And I think that sometimes we forget how many blessings that we have in our lives. And because of the ordinaryness of our lives, it's really hard to focus on the blessings that we have. Because again, when you're caught up in that monotony of day after day rat race busyness, it's sometimes hard to slow down and just look around and look at the tender mercies of the Lord or the blessings or the goodness in people. And so my entire hope with when I originally set up my blog was to just spread goodness, to encourage people to just slow down, to take a couple of deep breaths, really live present in the moment, and to recognize the extra in our ordinary lives. And when we stop to pay attention to those things, we find that there really is a lot of goodness. I think it's easy easy for us to get distracted with the noise and the ugliness that goes on around us. I know I struggle with that personally. It's easy when you're scrolling through your social media feeds just to feel like everything is just ugly and there's a lot of bad things that are going on in the world.

[00:14:17.550] - Ragan Balzer
 And so my entire focus was to try to, at least in my circle or sphere of influence, to try to spread goodness and show people that there really are things to be grateful for in your life. And there really are wonderful things around us if we just take a couple of minutes, slow down and just pay attention and be present in the moment. So that's kind of where the name originated from, seeing extra in the ordinary, and it's just seeing the extra in our day-to-day lives.

[00:14:55.760] - Candi Broeffle
I love that. And it really is a cornerstone of what you do in your coaching cultivating an attitude of gratitude.

[00:15:06.050] - Ragan Balzer
Right? Yeah.

[00:15:07.170] - Candi Broeffle
So let's talk about that a bit.

[00:15:09.400] - Ragan Balzer
Oh, good. Because I love talking about gratitude.

[00:15:14.450] - Candi Broeffle
And I'm so grateful for the opportunity to talk about gratitude.

[00:15:17.960] - Ragan Balzer
Yes, 100%, I truly am. I had an experience a couple of months ago where someone asked me if you could talk uninterrupted for 20 minutes, what topic would you talk on, and hands down, it would be gratitude.

[00:15:35.690] - Candi Broeffle
So how do you use it with your client?

[00:15:38.160] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah. So as I mentioned earlier, I start every one of my coaching sessions with a moment of gratitude and I invite my client to share with me one or two things that they are currently grateful for in that particular moment. And then as we go through the coaching session, they'll share different things with me. And then at the end, I always thank them for working through the coaching process with me during that call and then I always say that they started with sharing something that they're grateful for, and I'm going to return the favor to them. And then I conclude the session with just a moment of gratitude back to them. When you start any kind of conversation with people or even just in your daily lives, when you can take a minute to open up your heart to gratitude, it really just opens the mind and the heart to being receptive. And it brings just a little your body can't house the emotion of gratitude and anger and resentment and animosity at the same time. Those two emotions can't reside in your body at the same time. And so when you take a moment just to express your gratitude and appreciation for whatever it is at that exact moment, you eliminate or alleviate that anger animosity or negative emotions that you might be feeling at that time.

[00:17:16.470] - Ragan Balzer
And then I also like to encourage my clients to practice gratitude, practicing gratitude daily. It has such an amazing transformational effect on your entire countenance. And so I have a personal experience and story with that. And so I encourage them. They don't have to do it. There's nothing in the coaching agreement that says that if Ragan gives you a challenge to practice gratitude that you have to do it. But I do think that it opens them up to being more receptive to being coachable and being more receptive and open to change and opportunities.

[00:18:07.970] - Candi Broeffle
One of the things that I often find or I hear from people is I started a gratitude practice, and I just didn't keep up with it because I felt like I didn't have the time to do it. You get so sidetracked on other things. So how do you help people to overcome kind of that feeling of I don't have the time?

[00:18:28.010] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah. Well, I think we make it harder than it needs to be.

[00:18:32.990] - Ragan Balzer
Like we do everything else, right?

[00:18:35.110] - Candi Broeffle
We always make it overthink it.

[00:18:37.160] - Ragan Balzer
Yes, overthink it. So I always encourage my clients to just buy themselves a cute little notebook that they love, like something that they just really feel is like their own and special to them and keep it out in a prominent place, either on their coffee table, on their nightstand, by their computer, and just engage in the simple practice of writing down three to five things every single day that they're grateful for. And again, I think sometimes we make this hard because we think we have to come up with something really profound every single day. And actually, that's not necessarily the case. You could write something as simple as I am grateful for a great parking spot at Walmart today so that I could just run in and get what I needed and run out real quickly. That's something to be grateful for. But then you can also shift that into something that has a little bit more depth and meaning and sustenance behind it. But I think we get caught up in this idea that it has to be profound or really lengthy. And it doesn't just simply writing down five things every single day that you're grateful for.

[00:19:56.260] - Ragan Balzer
And when you start to do that, you initially might find that you're repeating a lot of the same things. I'm grateful for my spouse. I'm grateful for a roof over my head. But when you start to really think about the things that you're grateful for, your appreciation for those things becomes more. It becomes deeper. It's not just I'm grateful for a house. I'm grateful for shelter that provides safety and comfort to me. Does that make sense? So it gets a little bit more deeper. But the wonderful thing about gratitude is that when you're actively practicing gratitude, the desire to need and want and try to accumulate more dissipates. And so what we find is that what we have is enough. And what we also find with that is that once we're practicing gratitude, we find that we have enough, but we find that we get more. It's really interesting because we get more when we're regularly practicing gratitude and being open and receptive and I started practicing gratitude. I think it was back in 2015, and it's just part of my daily routine. And it's a priority to me. I know the days that I don't practice gratitude, and I know the days that I do.

[00:21:30.850] - Ragan Balzer
And I can tell you that my entire disposition is much better on the days that I do practice it, as opposed to the days that I don't.

[00:21:42.970] - Candi Broeffle
That is such a good point. And I know I have used it with my coaching clients as well. And in some of the ways that it makes huge improvements is so many times like if I'm working with a couple, say, who is maybe having some issues that they're trying to work out, we get so tied up in what the other person is doing and what they need to change and how they need to be better, that we lose sight of all the wonderful things that they do. We only look at the bad things. We're going to talk more about this in the next segment when we talk about our brain, right? Yeah, but it really does. It can make such an enormous change in a relationship when you're actively looking for the positive in for whatever reason.

[00:22:32.410] - Ragan Balzer
And I love talking about the brain. So I'm excited for the next segment. But for whatever reason, we as humans will keep a very detailed list of all of the things that are lacking in our lives or the things that we're missing or the things that aren't meeting our needs. And so when we practice gratitude, we're actually shifting that. And instead of keeping a chronological running list of things that we're lacking, we actually start to create a chronological list of things that we have in abundance. And it's a different mind shift, for sure. And I love that you use that with your couples because it does make a big difference. Your family and the people around you will start to notice your speech is different. You express thanks more willingly.

[00:23:26.830] - Candi Broeffle
Yeah. Well, thank you for that. And we're going to go into a break right now. But for people who want to learn more about Ragan and the work that she does, visit SeeingExtraIntheOrdinary.com. To read the online version of Natural Awakenings magazine, visit NaturalTwinCities.com. You're listening to Green Tea Conversations on AM950, the Progressive Voice of Minnesota. And we will be right back.

[00:24:06.490]
Welcome back to Green Tea Conversations, where we delve into the pages of Natural Awakenings magazine and talk to the professionals who share their expertise on natural health with you.

[00:24:16.130] - Candi Broeffle
I'm your host, Candi Broeffle. And today we're talking with wellness life coach Ragan Balzer of Seeing Extra In The Ordinary. So, Ragan, just before the break, we were beginning to talk about gratitude. And you said that you recommend to people to write down what they're grateful for every day. Do you find that that's the best way to practice it for what you have done in the past?

[00:24:41.740] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah, I do. And the reason being is I think that we can think of things that we are grateful for. But when we actually take the time to sit down and physically write those things out on paper, it solidifies it in our brains. And there's tons of research that's been done about the act of actually writing things down to solidify that. And the same holds true with the gratitude. When we sit down to physically write down the things that we're grateful for and recognize them, it solidifies that in your brain, and it starts to shift that thinking into more of an abundance mentality. Honestly, it's one of my favorite things to do. And when I first mentioned that, I started practicing gratitude back in 2015 and I thought it was just going to be this really fun, cute little experience. And I was going to have this great little Journal to show for my efforts at the end of the year. And little did I know that it was going to have such a profound impact on my entire well-being and disposition. I look back at my time in my late 30s, early 30s, late 20s, and I was really a pessimistic person.

[00:26:05.860] - Ragan Balzer
I was kind of a negative thinker. I just was just not very happy. And I can tell you that practicing gratitude daily, writing it down completely has changed, changed that for me. And I'm much more of an optimistic person. I have stamina to endure the challenges that we talked about. You just have a different entire countenance and disposition to handling life's challenges when you physically write it down.

[00:26:40.870] - Candi Broeffle
I love that because so often we tend to forget, right?

[00:26:45.950] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah.

[00:26:46.480] - Candi Broeffle
If we're just thinking it, we tend to forget. And I used to do this exercise when my son was little, who is now 35. So it's been a long time. But when he was little, at different times in his life, I would write him a letter. And those have meant so much to him over the years. Like when he found them or come across him, he's like, what is this? And when you tell them? And that's how I kind of see. I do the same thing with goal setting, writing it down, making sure it's written down, gratitude, making sure it's written down. And the other part is you're seeing it, you're writing it. So you're doing the kinetic thing as a kinetic learner and then to also speak it. And so sometimes and I know I've done this with my husband, I'll say to him, it's especially profound if you could say it to your spouse about your spouse. Right. I'm so grateful to, you know, that you went out and took care of the lawn today. I know I said I would do that. I really appreciate that you did that. But also sharing with somebody in your life about somebody, about something else you're grateful for, not necessarily them, but about something else, because that is just putting it out into the world, putting it out into the universe.

[00:27:59.680] - Candi Broeffle
And I always say there's something magical about speaking.

[00:28:03.390] - Ragan Balzer
Oh, 100%, the biggest lie I tell myself is that I'm going to remember.

[00:28:09.890] - Ragan Balzer
Because that doesn't happen.

[00:28:12.190] - Ragan Balzer
And when you write it down, I often think about the future and when I'm gone and what legacy am I going to leave for my kids and my grandkids. And I often think about a time in the way, way future. Hopefully when my girls are going through my personal possessions and belongings and they come across my gratitude journals. What a wonderful legacy that would be for them to be able to look through it and see the things that I was grateful for on a daily basis. And they're listed in there a lot. They're also not listed in there a lot. I kind of think it's just a cool legacy to leave for them. And who knows, they may never read them and they may think, oh, this is just mom being her weird self. And that's fine, too.

[00:29:02.400] - Ragan Balzer
But at least they have something to remember me by.

[00:29:06.200] - Candi Broeffle
Yes. And when you and I were talking about you coming on to the show, you were also sharing about and I love how you said this to me. So I'm going to slaughter it now that I'm saying it to you. Right.

[00:29:19.440] - Ragan Balzer
Okay.

[00:29:19.810] - Candi Broeffle
But about the idea that everything that you have, no matter what it is somebody else is praying for today.

[00:29:30.370] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah. That's one of my favorite sayings. I think I might have coined it, although I don't know for sure I'll take credit for it. But yeah. The thought that someone somewhere is praying for exactly what you have at this exact moment and when you can stop to realize that and really think about it, it's kind of humbling because it's like, okay, if you're married and you're unhappy in your marriage and you're praying to get out of your marriage, there's somebody who's praying for a marriage or if there is somebody who is single, it's just everything that someone somewhere right now is praying for exactly what you have. And when you think in those terms, what you'll find is what you have is usually pretty good. And it just sets you in that mindset of enough. And it often fills that void of meeting or seeking or feeling emptiness or loneliness or whatever emotions you might be dealing with. When you can practice gratitude, as simple as it might be, it has such a big impact. I just can't reiterate that enough just because I have experienced it myself.


[00:30:53.900] - Candi Broeffle
Right. I think that is such a great way of looking at things and thinking as we're talking. We both raise teenagers.

[00:31:04.140] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah.

[00:31:04.520] - Candi Broeffle
It's not always easy to raise a teenager, and they're raising us at the same time. And you think about some of the struggles that you may have had with your kids and how you can change that in that gratitude to being how grateful you are for their spiritedness, that they're willing to speak up for themselves, that they trust me enough, that they trust me enough that they know they can say hurtful things to me and I'm still going to love them.

[00:31:35.730]
Yeah.

[00:31:36.950] - Candi Broeffle
And it takes away a bit of that sting that teenagers are great at doing with us.

[00:31:43.950] - Ragan Balzer
Right. Yeah.

[00:31:45.770] - Candi Broeffle
Or in any aspect of life. But just taking a look at what does that mean? If I can look at this situation a little differently and look at it from another person's perspective, who is praying for what I have right now, what this moment is, what is it that they would be praying for, and how can I be grateful for that?

[00:32:08.990] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah and I think as a parent, you often worry that you're doing things terribly wrong.

[00:32:18.530] - Ragan Balzer
Particularly when you have teenagers that tolerate you in their lives.

[00:32:22.860] - Candi Broeffle
They allow you to tell you you're doing everything right.

[00:32:28.070] - Ragan Balzer
They affirm that feeling like I'm not adequate enough to raise these people. And they're like, yeah, you're not. So I know better. And I'll just tell you how to do it.

[00:32:41.670] - Ragan Balzer
But now as a parent, I think some of your greatest moments of joy are when you can see maybe just a glimpse of the human being that your children are becoming. And I can tell in my girls they do have a more grateful disposition, and I can hear it in their speech. They often express gratitude. They often say thank you for things in their lives. They take things for granted. Let me be clear. But they are more appreciative. And only hope that that is from them seeing that as part of my life, too.

[00:33:34.830] - Candi Broeffle
Yeah. So tell us a little bit about I know that you have a 30 minutes or I'm sorry, a 60-minute free discovery call that you offer to people. I do.

[00:33:47.830] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah.

[00:33:48.370] - Candi Broeffle
How is it about that?

[00:33:49.940] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah. So when I work with clients, first and foremost, I want to make sure that I'm a good fit for them and whatever their needs are. And the coaching process is about them, not me. I'm not there to provide them advice or offer solutions or do anything but lead them to their own answers and desires. So I always start with an assessment. I have a wellness assessment. My expertise is supporting women who are seeking physical, mental, emotional and spiritual balance in their lives. And I think for women, sometimes the hardest thing is identifying what balance looks like in their own life. We sometimes look at everybody around us and think, we have to be that. And so one of our first things that we do is identify or try to identify what balance looks like in their life and then try to incorporate more things that support that while reducing and eliminating things that don't. And so I have an assessment that we go through and work together on and determine whether or not I'm a good fit for them, because ultimately I want them to be happy and find peace and happiness and joy.

[00:35:12.710] - Ragan Balzer
And if I'm not the right person for that, then they owe it to themselves to find a coach who is more supportive of them.

[00:35:23.310] - Candi Broeffle
And that's a great tool to be able to use with people because it really does help them to maybe find answers already. Right in that session that they're not even aware of just going through that assessment with them.

[00:35:37.000] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah. It gives us a starting point for discussion. Definitely.

[00:35:41.310] - Candi Broeffle
Good. Well, for people who want to learn more about Ragan and the work she does, visit SeeingExtraintheordinary.com. You're listening to Green Tea Conversations on AM950, the Progressive Voice of Minnesota. And we will be right back.

[00:36:09.310]
Welcome back to Green Tea Conversations, where we delve into the pages of Natural Awakenings magazine and talk to the professionals who share their expertise on natural health with you.

[00:36:18.700] - Candi Broeffle
I'm your host, Candi Broeffle. And today we're talking with wellness life coach Ragan Balzer of Seeing Extra in the Ordinary. So, Ragan, just before the break, we've been talking about many things, but gratitude in particular. And one of the things that you kind of mentioned earlier is about how whatever it is that we're putting into our mind or into our brain is really what we're going to see more of. And I think it was around when we were talking about couples and being able to be grateful to see the good in our spouse, especially when we're struggling with each other. And so let's talk about that a little bit, because I don't know, I think people understand it, but maybe not so much why it happens.

[00:37:08.650] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah. So one of the things that I'm fascinated by the brain, and I'm fascinated how it works. And I think it's so interesting, I mentioned earlier that it's really easy for us to keep a chronological list of all the bad things that happen in our lives, that when we practice gratitude, we actually shift that narrative so the brain will believe whatever narrative we tell it. And so if we tell our brain that our husband never takes the garbage out and he doesn't meet your needs and whatever it is that you are telling yourself about that circumstance, your brain will find evidence to support that narrative. And so it will recall to mind all of the times he has let you down, left you disappointed, hurt your feelings. And that chronological list just plays on repeat over and over and over again in your brain. And so in order to shift that, you have to write a new narrative and you have to create and recall instances that support a different narrative. And so recalling to mind times where he has made you feel special or appreciated or valued or whatever. And when you practice gratitude, you have that running list and you're rewriting that narrative so that your brain, when you have a thought, will recall that list, as opposed to the more destructive and negative narrative that we so easily go back into.

[00:38:57.280] - Ragan Balzer
And so the brain will believe whatever story you tell it. You just have to tell it either a positive one or a negative one. And then it will seek evidence to support either narrative. Yes.

[00:39:09.660] - Candi Broeffle
And this is also true for what we tell ourselves about ourselves.

[00:39:13.990] - Ragan Balzer
100%, yes.

[00:39:14.970] - Candi Broeffle
So what are some of the messages that the women that you work with tend to tell themselves and how they can shift that?

[00:39:24.450] - Ragan Balzer
Yeah. A lot of it is just I'm not worthy of doing X, Y, and Z. I don't have the skill set to do X, Y, and Z. I look at her and she has all of these great skills and talents, and I don't have that. And what happens is that when we see people, we often compare what we attribute as a weakness or an attribute of ourselves that may not be as strong. We always compare that to what we perceive as someone else's strength or great talent.

[00:40:07.690] - Candi Broeffle
Isn't that amazing how we do that? We kind of compare the worst in us with the best in them.

[00:40:13.710] - Ragan Balzer
Regularly. Yes, regularly. But it's such a destructive pattern to get into. And once we get into that kind of I call it rabbit hole thinking. It's really hard to bring ourselves out of that because it's just so destructive and it's so negative and it just wrecks havoc on our entire emotional and mental welfare. And so a lot of times when I'm working with women, I try to help them identify what their narrative is. And where is that belief coming from? What evidence do you have to support the fact that you don't have the ability to do X, Y, and Z? What is it that you have? What narrative are you telling yourself that you don't have the skills to do whatever your heart's desire and truthfully Candi, a lot of times the thing that holds most people back from achieving whatever it is their hearts desire is fear. And fear is such a sad and destructive place to be. We often keep ourselves in this comfort zone of fear because we're afraid of stepping out. We're afraid of looking different. We're afraid of what other people are going to think of us. We're afraid that we're not going to have the skills and the talents to achieve whatever, and then we're going to look like an idiot.

[00:41:46.070] - Ragan Balzer
We tell ourselves all of these things, and that's really, really unhealthy thinking. And so we have to just be very aware and think about our thinking constantly and really take a minute and think about like, where is that thought coming from? And is that a healthy thought, or is that a destructive and negative thought?

[00:42:09.310] - Candi Broeffle
Is it true? Is it really true?

[00:42:12.330] - Ragan Balzer
Is it true? Yeah.

[00:42:13.470] - Ragan Balzer
Is it true? And what evidence do I have to support the belief that that may be true? And if that's no longer working, if that belief is no longer working, then I owe it to myself to change that. So I'll share a little bit of a story with you. Every report card I ever had as a child was really kind of negative about my social aspect of my schooling. A lot of report cards. Ragan talks excessively in class. Ragan's social. Ragan is too talkative. And I remember my third-grade teacher was really, really very hurtful. She called me motor mouth. So those things that we hear as children often really shape and really put into us a lot of insecurities and a lot of doubts about who we are as a people, as a human. And it's funny because I know I have a unique voice. I know my voice carries. But because of those experiences that I had as a child, it really made me kind of hide and very consciously aware and almost in a shameful way, my socialness and my talkative nature and my ability to communicate with people or talk with strangers and that kind of thing.

[00:43:37.530] - Ragan Balzer
And now here I am using my voice and my experience to try and connect with people. And it's just because that thought no longer served me, that thought of being an obnoxious, talkative, overloud person, that thought was really destructive to me. And so I just decided that it didn't serve me anymore. And so I'm going to change that and I really feel. I think maybe I shared this with you the other day. I really feel that this path that I'm on was given to me so that I could use my voice to spread goodness and joy and happiness and offer goodness to those that I interact with on a day-to-day basis.

[00:44:27.790] - Candi Broeffle
That is beautiful. And it's so funny because believe it or not, and most people would never believe this, but I was excessively shy when I was a kid, and I never wanted to speak up, especially in grade school. And so I was one of the people who was wishing I was like the girl who was like you in class.

[00:44:49.960] - Ragan Balzer
I wish you would quiet down, girl. I can't tell you how many hours I spent out in the hallway because I was talking too much.

[00:45:02.450] - Candi Broeffle
And then you talk to everybody who walked by. So it really didn't help.

[00:45:05.950] - Ragan Balzer
It didn't?

[00:45:06.660] - Ragan Balzer
No, it certainly didn't.

[00:45:09.180] - Candi Broeffle
And we both find, I'm sure, as we're working with clients, that a lot of the things that we're holding on to at age 40, at age 50 are still things are still messages that we received when we were kids.

[00:45:21.960] - Ragan Balzer
Oh, yes, absolutely. Like I said, that experience. And I have to say, like, to my teacher's credit, I was sociable. And I don't think that their comments and need for me to be quiet was in any way their intention wasn't to hurt me. But because it was repeated often enough and consistently enough, you start to take that on and you start to believe like, well, maybe I am really annoying. Maybe I do have an obnoxious voice. Maybe people don't want to listen to me. And so you start to harbor these kind of insecurities. And then again, going back to the brain when you're in a situation, a social situation 20 years later and you're looking around and you're trying to fit in and you feel like a little bit of an insecurity about, oh, maybe I was being too loud then that negative narrative starts and yes, your teachers were right. You're too talkative, you're too loud all of those things. And so, yeah, sometimes you have to do a lot of hard work to change that mindset or those narratives that are on auto repeats in our brain. But I really feel like we're worth it, you know, we're worth doing the hard work.

[00:46:41.870] - Ragan Balzer
And I just want to empower more women to do that and to really set their emotional needs and their joy and their happiness. It's time to make them a priority. We as women sometimes neglect our own personal needs because of life and the things that we're responsible for And I think my hope is that through working with them that they recognize their value.

[00:47:13.010] - Candi Broeffle
Well. I hope that people will reach out to you who are maybe in that situation themselves and if you are interested in learning more about what Ragan does and to set up a free 60 minutes discovery call discovery coaching call with Ragan visit SeeingExtraintheOrdinary.com. Ragan, thank you so much for being with us today. It was a pleasure to have you on the show.

[00:47:39.970] - Ragan Balzer
Yes, thank you, Candi. I just want to express my heartfelt appreciation and gratitude to you and I just really appreciate you extending the invitation and having me on today.

[00:47:53.030] - Candi Broeffle
Well, thank you for joining our conversation today as we awaken to natural health. You've been listening to Green Tea Conversations on AM950 the Progressive Voice of Minnesota and I am wishing for you a lovely day.

Read the full July 2022 Magazine