The dictionary defines romance as “a quality of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.” This is the quality that Valentine’s Day is meant to celebrate, as couples hope to focus and ignite the fire of their attraction. There are many resources for couples committed to intimacy. Below are some tools you can use for improving your relationship this year.

Understanding Their Love Language

Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, has helped millions of people bring themselves into harmony with their partners. Knowing that your own preferred “love language” may not be the same as your partner’s, you can honor and delight them by using theirs.

For those who yearn for “words of affirmation”, be sure to pick a meaningful Valentine’s Day card or, better yet, write your own. If an “act of service” is the best gift you can give them, consider a coupon book with offers of what you might do for them around the house or on their pet project. When “physical touch” is what they desire, that coupon book might include some deliciously different offerings. If their preferred love language is “gifts”, you will be wise to carefully consider an item that will bring them joy, presenting it beautifully gift wrapped.

Caring Communication

Understanding the importance of using “I” language and taking responsibility for how you think and feel in emotional situations is important in your relationship. Relationships are also enhanced when you issue more compliments than complaints, with the recommended ratio being five positive comments to one negative, even when including that slippery slope of “constructive criticism”.

Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, introduced how to communicate using OFNR by clearly sharing what you Observe, how you Feel, what you Need and what you want to Request from your partner. Using this simple technique will help your partner feel heard and understood.

Tantra for Sexual Health

Tantra is an ancient spiritual teaching that encourages the mindful embrace of all life. Consider experimenting with the joy of sacred loving and shared ecstatic intimacy with your partner. Take the time to research different ideas of sexual turn-ons and pleasure and explore them with your partner.

The most important thing to remember is to use the tools that are in your toolkit. Hold each other accountable for their use and strive to be conscientious and conscious about applying everything you have learned. Dust off your tools and don’t let them get rusty. Take inventory of what is in your toolkit and use wisely and often. Valentine’s Day comes only once a year; romance is a life-long endeavor.